Pregnancy Update 38 weeks!
We are 38 weeks pregnant! It has to be over soon (right? promise??) so, I thought I’d squeeze another update in before I get to share a birth story. I am officially due in 11days. BUT I had Daniel exactly one week early so there is a chance that I could go at any minute, and let me tell you, that would be fine by me. The problem is. I believe I have jinxed myself. By feeling so “done” and “ready”, I have basically turned myself into a steel trap of a baby incubator. Also, if this babe is anything like it’s Mama, he/she will completely rebel against feeling expected at a certain time for anyone’s convenience. Sigh.
Keep your eyes out for a new buzz feed article: “Woman is Pregnant for all of ever.”
Darla I. 27, is going to be pregnant until the end of time. She lives a quiet life with her husband and two kids, and is expecting her third any day now. Though it doesn’t sound like it if you ask her. She is currently 38 weeks 4 days and has already resigned to her new fate as a permapreggo. A term she clearly made up to describe the sensation that hours are passing, growth milestones and all tests are coming back normal, but her due date does not seem to be getting any closer. (Don’t try to convince her otherwise, she’s in a mood…again.)
Her phone goes off regularly with “Baby Watch Inquiries” and if she is calling someone at an odd time of the day, she has to send a text ten minutes in advance that reads, “Not in labor, just giving you a heads up that I’m going to call you soon.”
Her midwife has assured her that not only is she within a completely healthy range of weight and growth and therefore in no need of any intervention, they would be comfortable allowing her to go about two weeks late without any real concern. Darla was visibly shaken by the possibility of this reality and unable to comment.
For now, Darla is spending her days with friends who don’t mind her constant complaining and the sight of her underbelly (which no longer fits into any of her shirts), family (who does mind her constant complaining but is stuck with her), cleaning the house, and staring at the calendar waiting for “her turn”. Her only relief is watching Friends with her Hubby at the end of the day with a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch on her Permabelly (also a made up word) and hoping for her labor to start in the night.
Well, I may never make it on buzz feed, but you guys love me and will read my blog and that makes me feel much better.
Let’s get at it with the update:
You know when you are watching something and you hit play twice and then it goes into slow motion? That is the speed I move at. It’s frustrating because normal things take twice as long. My family has been awesome at helping me clean up at the end of the night and getting meals on and off the table to compensate for my speed challenges. The varicose veins are still there and I even noticed some new ones sprouting on my ankles, BUT they don’t hurt that badly anymore. one thing I have been doing to help is taking vitamin K everyday in hopes of it minimizing postpartum bleeding, but I think it has really impacted my veins as well.
I am exhausted and go through a period of insomnia every night between 3 and 5 which compounds the fatigue. I have very painful and annoying braxton hicks contractions all day and night, and the pressure “down there” is reeeeal. I would describe it like in those movies when an army has to break down a large door so they take the trunk of a tree and “1, 2, 3, GO!” ramming it into the door to break it down. It hurts and then it makes me feel bad for myself and then I cry. I keep thinking that I must have forgotten this part of pregnancy. I must have tucked it away in my memory as irrelevant once I held my beautiful children in my arms. Because I wanted to be pregnant again, even when I have experienced this before. I’m hoping for that selective amnesia once more and soon, because the anticipation is physically wearing me down.
I vaguely recall feeling this way when I was pregnant with Daniel. I called it “prepartum depression” and while I don’t think I need professional or medical help, I am still not using the term lightly. It’s mostly just these last few weeks of pregancy. It’s hard to want to get up in the morning when a lot of physical discomfort awaits you. It’s hard to want to go anywhere or do things that I love, because I’m not really able to do them at this time. It’s tough to look ahead, and see so many unknowns and inevitably hard days, baby or still no baby.
Being Team Green (not knowing the gender) has been so exciting and totally confusing! I have no guesses or gut instinct. Every time I think I know what I’m having, I change my mind. So let me know your guesses and I’ll write about this specific experience of pregnancy once it’s complete and we finally meet this little one! Also, my before baby to-do list is just about complete! Yay for my mom’s help and my nesting urges! I feel so mentally ready for this baby!
This is also the part of pregnancy when I have to fight fear off with a stick. Friends, all complaining aside, I want this baby with my very being. I want to meet this person who is joining our family and most of this frustration is just poorly expressed excitement. But, I know as much as you that just because you get pregnant, and stay pregnant, and want a baby, and have had two healthy births, and pray everyday for this baby’s health and growth, and have your nursery set up and food in your freezer, and family and friends eager for your baby’s arrival, doesn’t guarantee you a smooth, safe and healthy delivery or even a healthy baby. Things happen. I’m painfully aware that they happen and can happen to anyone. Which brings us to…
Oh my God, how I need you. Every hour of everyday. I am just shoveling this fear onto His shoulders and off of mine constantly and speaking power and truth over this baby and God’s plan in their life. I can’t give my attention to the ‘what if’s’ because I’m just not strong enough. I have to bounce my thoughts when I feel myself going there. Thankfully, God can take it. He has not given me a spirit of fear, and so I don’t have to surrender to that.
Living moment to moment and being unable to plan my days and weeks has made me even more aware on how much I am just trusting God and His timing. At the end of the day, I make a mental list of things I’m thankful that I was able to experience. Special moments with each kid, a long bubble bath, or a walk with a friend. Life changes with a newborn and surely I have things to be thankful for each and every day, even with a monumental day just around the corner.
Well guys, that’s it for my update! To all my preggo ladies, hang in there! Your body is working so hard, the road is so long, but the cost pales in comparison to the prize.
Stay tuned! Lord willing, my next update will be a birth story.