Ridin’ Dirty. The tale of the Van.

Ridin’ Dirty. The tale of the Van. 

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Or…DOES THIS VAN MAKE MY HAT LOOK BIG?

 

Actions speak louder than words. Especially any action I do when I’m in my van. I know what you’re thinking, “Aww, you got a mini-van?!” No. Nope, go big or go home. We got a Maxi Van. I’m talking, large, gold, tv in back, captain seats, conversion van of your dreams. I could fit one hundred of me in this van guys. The thing spits me out when I hop down. This van has history. We have had many family memories in this van from Jordan’s parents. Cross country trips and too many soccer games to count, and the forever famous “talk in the Van” (when Jordan’s parents met us for dinner a week after finding out we were pregnant with Lila and made us go into the van to talk first… you laugh now…but it was terrifying) Now, they have passed the baton to us, and it’s so awesome, slightly epic, majorly helpful, and just a bit funny. 

Is the opposite of inconspicuous, conspicuous? It’s not a word I use often, but I think it fits. So, like, when I first got it, it felt like I was awkwardly driving in all caps, and that everything I did was drawing a ton of attention to myself and that everyone knew where I was. 

DARLA WENT TO GET A CHEESEBURGER FROM CULVER’S AFTER WORKING AT THE YMCA

DARLA IS AT THE LIBRARY AND DIDN’T PAY FOR PARKING

DARLA IS TURNING LEFT!!!!! 

DARLA HAS TO REVERSE OUT OF A PARKING SPOT. 

DARLA JUST GOT TO WORK 3 MINUTES LATE. 

DARLA IS AT THE BANK! SHE WITHDREW 20 DOLLARS

DARLA IS GETTING GAS.

“They see me rollin’

they hatin’

patrolling’

tryna catch me ridin’ dirty

trynacatchmeridin’dirty”

Our town is made up of about 4 blocks. I mostly “travel” within those four blocks. I can’t help but giggle at myself practically falling out of this thing with my little legs and big belly when I was getting the hang of it. 

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Family Van. First time buying the kids McDonald’s for lunch…

The first time I left our town with it, I didn’t know anyone was behind me, so I was driving slow and a guy passed me on purpose to hurt my feelings and I cried the whole rest of the drive. I switched to direct deposit so that I don’t have to go to the bank that much and we totally make clearance at drive throughs, but not parking garages. See, I’m learning. 

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If anyone wants to get me a bumper stick of this from the show Arrested Development, I’d be forever grateful.

Now that I’m used to it, it feels a lot more natural. A huge win for me was when I went to put Jordan’s car in reverse and reached up to where the van has that big stick you move to drive, reverse, and all that (obviously, I’m a car person) instead of to the shifty thing next to the seat. Classic van driver move. I also always wanted to be a bus driver when I was little because I thought I’d be amazing at it, learn everyone’s names and hand out treats, so it feels super special to have a taste of that glory. Most importantly, it has (more than) enough room for our family to travel (in style) when our little one gets here. A day I can’t even stop myself from dreaming about all.the.time.

Side note: if anyone wants to buy our jeep off of us for super cheap, she’s a beast and can bust out of any snowy driveway without even shoveling. 

2 comments

  1. Natalie says:

    We are getting a van like that early next year from my BIL and I am so excited! I love the amount of space in the back. Haha! Enjoy the maxi van!!

  2. Angela says:

    The all caps. I’m dying. Promise me you’ll order vanity plates. Promise. They give you three choices to see if they’re taken…
    Maxivan
    Allcaps
    Rdndrty.

    Promise.

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