Just checking in at the 30 week mark! I had to go back and read my post from the 20 week update to even remember that part. Pregnancy is lightning fast and molasses slow at once, isn’t it? So, I’m specifically 30 wks 4 days 16 hrs 9 minutes and 22 seconds which is important because that means I only have about 9 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 51 minutes and 48 seconds left in this pregnancy. (Don’t check my math, it’s rude.) I have reached the stage in the pregnancy where you are allowed to begin to count down in addition to up. It makes me feel like I’m chipping away at this mountain I’m climbing and that I am going to actually meet this baby and it will all be worth it. Amen. Checking back in about how this is going for us physically, emotionally, and spiritually is important to me, even if it isn’t all the happy thoughts. There is perseverance and struggle that goes hand in hand with pregnancy. Even after loss, even with desperate desire and love for your growing baby. It’s just part of the deal and, if anything, it adds depth to that exhilarating moment when you finally get to hold your baby for the first time.
Physically: I have really been struggling. My bloodwork from my glucose test came back good except for that I was anemic. I didn’t really think, much of it and just carried on as usual. Then, Jordan was away coaching for a couple weeks and I just felt my energy level crash, hard, and there wasn’t anything I could do to pick myself back up. I was feeling faint, couldn’t catch my breath and couldn’t snap out of it. I had been texting Emily about how I was feeling and then later on that day it dawned on me. “I’m anemic, duh.” So Emily ran to the store for me and got me some Iron supplements to save the day. She just showed up at my house and was like, “Where’s your money, I’m buying you vitamins”. Thank goodness, because my plan was to order them on amazon because I didn’t even have the energy to think about leaving the house.
Another lovely symptom I’m dealing with is sciatica pain in my leg and then two large, dark, tangled spots of varicose veins on my shin and calf. I had never had varicose veins before, but they throb and hurt and are hot to the touch until the end of the day when I can pick my feet up. Dang, they hurt. My midwife says that there isn’t much I can do except wear some compression socks and try to get off my feet more often. So I hope the socks are magical because the second option isn’t really an option at all right now.
Baby is moving and grooving and taking the walls of the womb as more of a guideline than a boundary. Baby can be spotted stretching and rolling from across the room through my shirt! Sometimes a little uncomfortable but always wild! What is going on in there?! I just wish I could peek in there. I can’t wait to see the little butt, feet and knees behind all this movement!
Mentally: I’m just trying to get a hold of myself. The anemic episode really threw me off and I’m somewhere between realizing the end is in sight and feeling like 10 weeks is just another way to describe forever. I’ve been reading a lot and trying to work on my own hangups that keep me from living my best life and finding contentment. It has been so stimulating and challenging, but also has revealed that I have some work to do on my heart and mind.
I also have some work to do on my nest. I have been putting off some decluttering tasks and I’m finding myself attacking them now. It has been so fun to carve out and prepare physical space for a new person to join our home! It has really helped me reduce my mental stress to get these nagging tasks done and then we can get the last few things set up for baby. We are getting a new carseat and revamping our cloth diaper stash, along with a few other things that we plan on getting for the babe and it all makes my heart just melt to daydream about the joy that is coming our way.
We still don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl and the suspense is ALL I CAN TAKE.
Also, naming people is hard.
Spiritually: I’m just grateful. We’ve really seen a surge in community here. I’m thankful for my small group from church, my friends that come over on friday nights for bonfires, the music and fellowship I experience on the Lakeland Worship Team and even the bakery and all of the people I get to encounter there. It’s a blessing to me to feel heard and cared for. I even had the amazing chance to be a Doula at my Cousin (read: BFF) Angela’s birth a few weeks ago. It was a beautiful and literal example of new life and God’s design for love and community. (More on that after she shares her birth story at ParisienneFarmgirl.com !) Jordan and I have been spending a lot of time with family this summer and it all feels so sweet. All these people, friends and family, are showing me so much unconditional love that I could almost crumble with gratitude and humility.
They take me as I am. I’m super pregnant, really tired, I forgot to shave my other armpit and I feel like I don’t have much to offer, and yet, there they are. Coming along side us, admitting they don’t floss regularly either, sharing their struggles with us and laughing through it all. Super Hashtag Blessed y’all. It can’t possibly get better than this. Like I’m living in a dream that I’m looking back on, and yet, there is more to come.
This was my short novel of a pregnancy update.
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