Pregnancy Update! Week 20
Half way there!
This pregnancy has been going so quickly so far! Maybe because I’ve been very busy or asleep most of the time, but it is nice to not be at the dragging part yet. I thought it’d be fun to do a little check in about how this pregnancy is going for us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Both for myself and for anyone else who is curious.
Physically: I have “popped” I totally have the baby belly thing going, to the point where strangers and loose acquaintances are noticing enough to ask about it. (I think it’d be hilarious to act shocked and offended when someone asks, but I’m just too sensitive to other’s emotions to make them feel that way, even for a moment) My energy is slowly coming back. That might also be because the sky stopped barfing ice on me and I’m finally getting the hang of working at the bakery early in the morning and still managing the rest of my day. But still. The second trimester is always my jam. Feeling great, still looking “cute”, and able to feel the sweet reassuring kicks of our little one on the way! I’m still running and exercising, but very moderate and very easy stuff. (if any of you have a prenatal yoga dvd that you liked I’d love a recommendation!) My cravings are mostly salad, fresh fruit, pickles, burgers and cheese curds.
Emotionally: Yes. But what’s new? I’ve totally had a severe case of pregnancy brain. Leaving my stuff places, making rookie mistakes at work, and even backing my car into a garage door before it was all the way open. It’s driving me nuts! What do you think, is pregnancy brain real? I’m really starting to believe it! Also, we got to go in for our 20 week ultrasound this week with Jordan and the kids and it was just wonderful. I never realize that I’ve been holding my breath until I exhale again. I exhaled when I saw the results of the ultrasound; all the measurements and functions and tests came back “normal”. Exhale. I texted Jordan later that day, “So, we have a super legit baby! This is really happening?!” I’ll probably feel that way all the way until the day this baby graduates college. Even though this isn’t my first rodeo, I still can’t wrap my mind around the idea that there is a person in there. Who are you? Who will you be? Hurry up and get big and strong so we can see you! We opted out of the 3D ultrasound and this will also be our last scheduled ultrasound before we meet our baby face to face! Totally surreal! (for some more info on why we choose this, read this great post by Mama Natural) We also aren’t finding out the sex of the baby. Why? I don’t even know. We have one of each, we have everything we need baby gear-wise, we will be absolutely thrilled either way, so we figured that this is our chance for the surprise of a lifetime! Neither of us are really the type of person who would be “team green”, but here we are. Stubbornly sticking to our choice and scouring the ultrasound for a sneak peak at some private parts!!
Spiritually: I’ve been wrestling with fear and loss. I just read September Vaudrey’s Colors of Goodbye, and it was so beautiful and healing for me. It both hurt and helped my tendency to white-knuckle-grasp the ones I love, afraid they’ll be plucked from my grasp… but it mostly helped (more in depth response coming soon). I also listened to Shauna Niequist’s book Bread and Wine on Audible and it left me prepping dinner and sobbing through shared pain and fear. The book is lovely, stirring, mouth watering, and deep. I highly recommend it. She also talks about some life stuff and she describes pregnancy after miscarriage exactly right when she says that you see the pregnancy test and you are ecstatic for approximately one second before you are swept with fear. I fight that fear off at the edge of me. Just out of my field of vision. I dare not let it creep in. Every time I have one of those stomach dropping thoughts or worries, I immediately pray. I pray for God’s truth and light to be all I see and all that matters and I thank him for another day with our darling. Seeing our baby this week was incredible. I still can’t believe it. Four chambers of the heart all working well? 3 strand umbilical chord? Arms, legs, kidneys, diaphragm and even tongue? The SCH that threatened miscarriage completely resolved? How can it be? It’s nothing short of a miracle and there’s no way I deserve this gift. Also, this weather is just setting me free! I’m not as hesitant to leave the house, I’m able to get some much needed fresh air and vitamin D. Hallelujah. After a season of wretched cold, spring always comes.
That’s where we are friends. 20 weeks down, 20 weeks to go.
How did you feel at the halfway point?
Also, I’ve been asked about my favorite book on birth. Here is the link again! Just click the image!
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