Hello second trimester! Thank you God. This is a huge deal for us. I don’t take one day of this pregnancy for granted. I mean it. Somedays are so busy that I forget I’m pregnant until I lay down at the end of the day and feel the little kickball peaking up over my sweats. It’s just a moment, before I finally drift off, and I spend it thanking God for another day with all of my loves and this little love we have growing.
People always talk about the second trimester as when you’re “out of the woods”. It’s so well meaning. I know. The risk of miscarriage in the second trimester is below 10%. It’s supposed to be comforting and I did feel a sigh of relief when I heart the pitter patter of our Darling’s heartbeat today at the doctor. (Side note: Mom’s who have lost babies in pregnancy, and even those who haven’t, how tense are those moments of the doppler dance while you eagerly wait for that sound?! Yeesh.)
Anyway, here is the thing about life and motherhood and pregnancy and love. We’re never out of the woods. It’s what makes me catch a shallow breath in my chest. It’s what makes my eyes well up with those hot tears as I go back in and check on them one more time before I go to bed at night. It’s what makes me kiss Jordan right between the shoulder blades on his tattoo before I crawl out of bed to get ready for work at 3:30 am. It’s what makes me pause at family parties and smile when I see us all together. It’s what makes it so hard to say goodbye. Period. It’s what makes me journal and write as a way to remember and be remembered. It’s what makes me knock on wood and cross my fingers and desperately fall to my knees in prayer.
“Out of the woods” makes it sound safe, doesn’t it? But you and I know too much about loss and pain and grief and fragility to believe it for one second. Love is anything but safe. In fact, it’s the most reckless and dangerous thing I’ve ever done. There is skin in the game. I’m all in with everything to lose. Knowing, all too well, that I could in the blink of an eye.
I think the grief I’ve traveled through has taught me to love intensely. Isn’t that what God demonstrated as the ultimate picture of Love? I can’t help but go there with Easter on the horizon. God is good. And in love, we find redemption, hope, peace, and light… but not safety. Love is dangerous. It will cost me my whole life and it’s the only thing that will make my life worth living. Amen?
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
2 Tim 1:7
So am I out of the woods? No, and if I am living my life to the fullest, I never will be.
To another day dears, may we live it recklessly.
Ps. Admit it, this song is stuck in your head now. Me too
Want to know my Favorite book about birth????