Now You Know! growth-fear-faith


Well, friends, it’s true. Lord willing, we’ll have a little love joining our family in September! I have a lot of feelings about this, but mostly I’m ecstatic. We have been in prayer and thought about our family and what God wants for our future. It was pretty clear when it was our turn again and that was the moment that I fell in love with this baby who wasn’t even conceived yet. 

Well, next thing you know, I was thirsty. I’m being literal. Like, I was drinking cup after cup of water and my thirst was never quenched. Then, I started falling asleep even earlier than normal. Hmmmm. Is it possible? No. There’s no way. 

I tested. Negative. I waited two days (felt like two years) and it was positive! I kept it to myself because I wanted to tell Jordan in a special way. Well, I told little Daniel immediately. I knew he wouldn’t spill the beans. 

this was the picture I took when I knew but he didn't know yet. I wanted to see if it was all over my face! I think it was...

this was the picture I took when I knew but he didn’t know yet. I wanted to see if it was all over my face! I think it was…

I told Jordan the next day by writing him a message on his lunch plate and covering it with a napkin. 


Then we kept it just between the two of us for some time. I was barely 4 weeks at this point. I made my appointment for the next week or so and unfortunately, they discovered a subchorionic hematoma (SCH). I experienced a scary one with Daniel as well. It’s basically a pool of blood inside the womb. There was no real way to know for sure what would happen, but my midwife was preparing me for what to expect with a spontaneous miscarriage. I was on strict orders of rest and pelvic rest. She told me that if I hadn’t lost the baby in that week, that she’d want to see me again to see the progress. At this point, we were rattled, but our church was doing a series on fear and it was challenging me to look at God’s promises and not surrender my thoughts to fear and worry. We decided to share the news of our sweet baby to our immediate families, who we knew would support us and pray for us. We also told them the doctor’s concerns and that we were determined to have faith and stay calm as we waited. 

Meanwhile, my small group and a very small number of friends were told so that we could have those we love praying for us and our babe. We didn’t want to face this alone, and we didn’t have to. 

Well, we didn’t loose our little love that week and went back to the doctor for the follow up. There wasn’t a huge change in the size of the pocket of blood either way. I asked if we could please stop following it. I said that I have faith that it will be ok, and even if it’s not, I’d rather not let fear dominate the time I have with my little one safe and sound where they belong. My midwife agreed but asked me to keep resting. (useless information: Jordan took me to get hot wings and potato wedges right after this because he knows me and loves me.) 

We reported back the no-news-is-good-news to our loved ones and I shared that I was a little sad to not be allowed to exercise which is a great stress reliever, spiritual refill, and mental health tool for me. Later that week, my midwife left me a voicemail and said she spoke with another doctor about my scans and they both decided that I can resume any activities, exercise and all. I was just so humbled. I am constantly amazed by how gentle God is with my heart. I don’t deserve it. 


A good month or so has gone by since then. I have been thankful for every day of this pregnancy so far. Our sweet Lilliana Mae has been asking for a baby (specifically sister) for her 5th birthday all year. She’s prayed consistently for it and on Valentines Day, we told her that Mommy has a baby brother or sister in her belly and, Lord willing, the baby is due to be born 3 days before her 5th birthday this year. 

Moments after we told them they have a new sibling on the way!

Moments after we told them they have a new sibling on the way!

Can I tell you? The girl is beaming. She has a twinkle in her eye and is just tickled by the idea of a new baby on the way. When she asked when it will be time for the baby, we talked to her about our garden. 

First we’ll amend the soil, then we’ll get the cold crops in and cover them with the hoops. When the hoops come off, we’ll continue to plant. We’ll get to eat some kale and lettuce, we’ll get to munch on mint and cook with fresh herbs, then we’ll get snap peas and our climbing beans will grow. Eventually, we’ll get flowers and peppers and even tomatoes! When the sunflowers are so very tall that they finally fall over,  we’ll be very close to when we’ll get to meet the new baby.

And so, our family and garden will grow side by side. A demonstration of God’s beauty, provision, and grace. We don’t take this incredible blessing lightly and our hearts are with those still waiting for “their turn”,  still grieving their unbearable losses, or working on growing their families in other ways. 

We covet your prayers and we’re grateful for your excitement and celebration with us.



MAJOR shout out to my dear friend, Emily, who helped me find the perfect way to share our excitement and even did the photography for us! You’re great. 


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