This year, I went with a word for my “new year’s resolution” We shared it on new years eve and I had been thinking about it for some time before that.
I have this “prove myself to the world” mindset. It’s probably goes all the way back to growing up in an unhealthy family system (but I’m starting to think that I am in the majority of people who did) and then was reenforced when I became a mom early in life. In my most fragile and immature moments (which happen more often than I’d like to admit) I feel drawn conclusions all around me and have the urge to take a machete to them all, one by one, with my own ninja strength and leave everyone saying, “wow, I was wrong about you”.
Then I remember the cross. Then I remember His grace and mercy. Then I remember that it doesn’t mater what the world thinks of me, or even what I think of me. I remember the truth of who I am and the truth of how God sees me.
Other times, I look at my day or my week and fear I may crumble under all of the packed diaper bags and car rides, and pooped pants, and inevitable public meltdowns. Or I may crumble under the opposite schedule of filling up empty days and keeping my littles entertained when it gets dark at noon. Then I remember what matters and Who I serve. I remember that I don’t have to serve my schedule or be trapped by my days. I remember that I am free. I remember that my life, when it is stripped down to the truest things, is beautiful. The yoke is easy and the burden is light.
I can even fall captive to tangible things. Being young and perceived as “in need” leads to a lot of hand me downs which leads to an odd feeling of responsibility and guilt if I ever hand it back down or don’t need it. It leaves me taking things that I don’t really need, wearing things I don’t really like, and losing sight, once more, of what is the truest truth. I am so grateful to have so many willing to help us. It has been a huge blessing! Leave it to darkness to turn that blessing into a curse by twisting into a burden.
Are you following? Have you caught on to my word?
My word for 2016 is: Truer.
What is truer?
I’m fixing my eyes on the most truthiest truth of all the truths.
When faced with the opinions of others, “What does God say about me? How can I claim that truth in this moment?”
When faced with an over run schedule, “What commitments are in line with the truest heartbeat of our family? It’s okay to say no to the rest. We only have room for what is truest, because the rest is a drain on our energy and nerves.”
When faced with long days, (which, Mamas, I know you’ve had) “It’s true that I have a mundane-run-of-the-mill day ahead of me. It’s true that there will be sibling fights, spilled food and toys all over the floor, and plenty of hours to fill with who-knows-what. It’s truer that I am lucky enough to spend my days with my healthy beautiful children and have a whole day ahead to teach them about God’s goodness and make memories reading and singing and baking and dancing.” Always go back to what is truer.
When it comes to clutter and being burdened by managing so much laundry and so many toys and tiny papers and pieces….”What is true to who we are? What is being used and what is being stored for fear of the guilt of not keeping?” Even when it comes down to two possessions, “what is truer? What is in line with who we are and what puzzle piece are we just trying to cram into this home that doesn’t really have a place?”
Truth in the face of fears. Truth in the face of shortcomings. Truth in the face of negative self image.
When I lose sight of what matters, claim what is truer.
There will be times that I will fail, that is true. However, I am not defined by my failures, that is truer, and the truth will set me free.