I hope they remember this as their childhood. The moments spent on a quiet summer evening. The ones where they’re kicking around a little soccer ball and shooting each other with “swert guns” The ones where they’re a little bit dirty and a lotta bit happy. I hope they think back and remember the times I “RAAAWR”ed at the top of my lungs and wrestled them into a fit of laughter. I hope they remember full bellies and delicious treats. Ten extra goodnight-kisses and all the times I stayed with them until they fell asleep. The braided hair and the trimmed nails. I hope they look back fondly on the imperfect moments with their imperfect Mommy.
I shudder to think that they might look back and only see my frustration, exhaustion and shortcomings. That they’d remember the fact that, no matter how much I tried, there always seemed to be a mess and chaos. It would be such a shame to have them only see my defeat and failures…
So why do I see it that way so often?
Gosh. I swear. In the chaos of it all, I can completely loose sight of my calling right now. I’m not called to keep a perfectly clean house. I’m not called to scrutinize or be scrutinized for my every move. I wasn’t created to be some carbon-copy-repeat-mass-produced machine. I’m a mommy. More specifically and beautifully, I’m my children’s Mommy. I’ll tell you what. I can see it in their eyes. They think I’m amazing. They don’t see the mess. Frankly, I don’t think they see the clean either. That’s not what’s important to them.
What is important is my tenderness, my attention, and my heart. They need it more than anything.
I was encouraged by my good friend today to remember that my to-do list shouldn’t say
- More dishes
- Return e-mails
and so on. It should be full of the things that matter.
Today, did I show:
- Self Control
Because if I checked off all the boxes in the first list and none in the second, then I have accomplished nothing of value in that day. (Amen for good friends, right?)
We’ve moved into our house and, as you can imagine, my to-do list is so long. While I intend to try my best to get it accomplished, it comes second. The chores can wait. The projects will be there tomorrow, but these little babes are only babes right now, and I’m making memories with them that they’ll have forever. More importantly, I’m building relationships with them that I will have forever and it’s worth everything I’ve got.