this is the new year


It’s that time of year again. I feel emotionally hungover from Christmas, and yet, we’re about to pack up and head out again to celebrate another holiday. Something gets me about a new year. I know it is pretty much just something we conjured up as a society, but I knowingly buy into it. Something about the superficial illusion of a fresh start allures me. I make resolutions, I count down from ten, and I beg for things to be different and new in that very moment. 

I want to drink more water. I want to be more organized. I want to write a book. I want to eat even cleaner. I want to learn the piano and teach it to Lila. I want to sew more, to read more, save more, to waste less, to write more letters, to be more present….

Spoiler alert..Fast forward a month or two and I already blew it. I didn’t drink enough water, the laundry is still sitting in the dryer and I stress ate the last of the nutella in the house. I get down on myself and just look ahead ten more months and resolve to do better next year. 

Does anyone else see the problem here? I’m missing something so important. Didn’t we just celebrate the birth of the One who came to make us new each morning? Didn’t He die for us to have a clear name and a fresh start in Him? I am no longer captive to sin and self depraving habits. I’m no longer held to the standards of this world. There is no need to count down for 10 more months or even to count down for 10 seconds to become new. It is right in front of us every moment. Why do I forget this so often? It is just my nature to try to earn and measure my worth. 

Don’t get me wrong, tomorrow I’m going to stay up late, count down until midnight, kiss my (ridiculously) handsome husband and wish all a happy new year. It’s a magical and fun moment, but it’s not my new beginning. I’d argue today is. 

What I do love about a new year, is looking back at the one before. If you would have asked me on December 31 2013 what would come in the new year, I would have been so wrong. 

We were about to experience the coldest and longest winter of my life. When the snow melted, our sweet baby boy was born. A month later, we packed up and moved out to Kenosha. We were truly on our own for the very first time. was born shortly after and I began this journey of self reflecting and connecting to people even from so far away. We made it through another semester of Jordan’s master’s program and another crazy season of him coaching soccer. I started my journey with essential oils and have changed our health because of it. Our daughter somehow went from being a baby to a little girl and our little baby has grown sweeter and sweeter each day. There have been so many ups. There have been tiring and devastating downs. We somehow made it through another year. God has been with me each step of the way. This wise and gentle Shepherd watching His sheep. I shudder to think where I’d be without Him. I can hardly bare the thought. Looking ahead can sometimes terrify me. Nobody is guaranteed another moment on this earth and as Bill Hybels said, “How quickly the world can change”. 

2015, God willing, will include another crazy adventure and I’m along for the ride. 

Thank you all so much for reading my blog and supporting me. It has been so healing and encouraging to have you behind me as I bare my soul and put myself out there. You really mean a lot to me. It can get a little lonely, moving away from your friends and family. Somehow, I’ve still felt so connected and loved because of all of you. So thank you, friends. 

Be well. Be new each morning. Be free. Free indeed. 

And really, we should all drink more water and eat less sugar… starting tomorrow. 

Happy new year!


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