I wrote in the very last page of my journal today, and I took a moment to look back. I munched on a muffin we baked yesterday and drank black coffee out of an old mug I bought in college. I turned to the very first page. I bought the journal at a black friday sale. Mostly because nothing makes me want things for myself like shopping for others, but also because I had been meaning to get back to journaling for a while and decided it was time. I was 20 weeks pregnant with Daniel and Lila had just turned two. I’ve lived a lot of life since then, and I documented it in my terrible groggy handwriting early in the mornings. Sometimes, I could barely see the page because the sun hadn’t come up at all and I didn’t want any light to wake Lila. Other days, the words scribbled completely off the lines and you could tell I had an early rising toddler on my lap as I wrote.
I wish I could show you all of these sonnets and haikus I wrote in the first moments of each day, but
I’m afraid that I
have no great works or pieces.
Only scattered thoughts.
There, one haiku, but that’s it. Mostly, I wrote about my days. I scribbled my prayers. I dreamed about the future. I worried, celebrated, grieved and brainstormed. It was a discipline for me to write. I never tried to be impressive with my phrasing in my journal. I just kind of pictured myself sharing my thoughts over a cup of coffee with God. There were some real honest moments, and then there were simple reflective moments. It was too early to write with an agenda or expect to be clear. I simply wanted to have time to myself each morning to read and pray. I know myself well enough to know that I need these quiet moments. I need to fill my cup each day so that I can pour into those who need me. I can’t give peace or encouragement or lend an ear if I have run dry myself.
I guess it’s time to buy a new journal and some more coffee beans. I feel like I’ve started a new chapter in my life, so it feels fitting. You see, Lila, Daniel and I all were in the kitchen making muffins yesterday, and it felt different. It felt like something new. I had a cooing and kicking baby boy and a talkative and curious little girl in our new apartment with our very own kitchen. It felt like a little dream I was picturing as I wrote my prayers about finding somewhere to live. How I worried and vented about not knowing where we would end up or what was next. As I caught Lila giggling with batter in her mouth, I took a moment to pause. This is what was next. This is where we are. It was in the works all along. Who knows where we are going next? I guess I’ll worry and vent about it in my next journal.
Before I jump over in my browser to shop for a new journal, I thought I’d share our strawberry muffins with you.We had gone strawberry picking a couple weeks back and we got so many berries! I kind of dread berry picking but they were wonderful and worth the work. I froze most of them so that they would say fresh and that’s what I used for our recipe.
First, we gathered all of our ingredients. We sifted our dry ingredients into a bowl and made a well, Then we slightly mixed our wet ingredients in a large jar and slowly poured it in the middle.
Lila stirred it up until it was just moist and still a little clumpy and I chopped up my strawberries.
We folded in the strawberries and sugar and filled our paper lined muffin tin. Obviously we sprinkled a little sugar on each of them too.
Exactly 20 min later at 375 and they were ready. I had to give them away to stop me from eating right through the whole batch.
Maybe you could make these. Start a new page in your journal and indulge.
- 3 cups flour
- 1 Tbs baking powder
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1 1/2 Tbs ground cinnamon
- 1 1/4 cups milk
- 2 eggs
- 1/2 cup melted butter
- 1/2 cup melted coconut oil
- 2 cups diced strawberries (fresh or mostly thawed if frozen)
- 1 1/2 cups sugar plus some sugar for sprinkling
- Sift all of your dry ingredients into a bowl and create a well in the center
- Next melt your oil and butter in a pan.
- Slightly mix your milk and eggs in a jar.
- Slowly pour the warm butter and oil into the milk mixture
- Pour your wet ingredients into the well and gently incorporate, careful not to over mix.
- Fold in the strawberries and sugar. the batter will be a little lumpy but moist.
- Fill the paper lined muffin tins and sprinkle sugar over the top
- Bake in a 375 degree oven for 20 min or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean